What's with all the bacon-themed games? One of them was a barely passable 3D destrocto-physics playset and the other straight up didnt work. Maybe this one will break the bacon trend and actually be a fun enough game to warrant such delicious theming.
nope.
It's definitely the most fun of the three bacon games I've "played" so far but that's not saying much. It's still frustrating and monotonous.
Pretty much all you do is fly around on a pig stabbing other pigs that fly much faster than you. Sounds revolutionary, eh?
The biggest problem this game has by far is the hit detection. It seems completely arbitrary. Whether I fly directly into an enemy pig from the perfect angle or I just happen to bump into someone while trying to adjust to the awkward control, the outcome seems to be the same: completely random. This turns what could have been a strategic game that makes your brain run a million calculations a second for an intense and faced-paced experience into bumper cars.
The graphical style is fine. Nothing to complain about. it's just a bunch of 2d sprites flying around on a screen.
The music...ugh the music. I'm fine with looping a track to infinity and beyond as long as it meets 2 criteria:
1) it has to be fun to listen to. Bacon Pirates in Space fails on this front.
2) it has to be more than 2 seconds long! The 2 second piece could be the most beautiful thing ever to grace humankind but that won't mean much if you get tired of it after 10 seconds of gameplay. Combine this with the fact that BPiS uses music loops that aren't even particularly good and you have one miserable experience.
As previously mentioned, the control is awkward as hell. Elevation is a key aspect of the game. How do you elevate yourself? Repeatedly tapping the space button. Trust me, it's nothing like controlling Kirby or Pit in Super Smash Bros. Those characters actually respond to one hit of a button. Your little flying piggy in BPiS on the other hand will only raise his fat behind off the ground after a straight second or two of vigorous button mashing. It's not visceral. it's not intuitive. It's annoying.
Another problem is that there are way too many enemies per screen. It's manageable when an enemy ship boards yours, but during what I assume are the main levels, you wont be able to progress until you've monotonously murdered multicolored pigs for about 15 minutes.
Don't bother with this game. Trust me, it's not worth your time. If you want to play it anyways, be my guest. Until next time. Stay smelly.
Links
https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=485
PS - hey, at least it has a save feature
Friday, January 18, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
B.A.C.O.N.B.E.A.R.S T.O.W.E.R.D.E.F.E.N.S.E
Remember a while back when I tried to review Army of TD but it just brought be to a 404 screen? well this game got a step further than that, at least, and found itself a nice little 50MB cranny in my hard drive before telling me it didn't feel like running. Apparently d3dx9d_42.dll is missing from my computer. Don't know what that measn? Neither do I. All i know is that not every component necessary was installed, so I'm calling this a broken link. Just like my other review, though, I'm considering this completely legitimate.
It's not a big deal, anyway. If the title tells me anything it's that this game probably involves tower defense, which, as covered in my Ancient Forest and Grumpy Monsters review, I'm not too fond of.
Speaking of the title, yay! We're in B territory now. That kinda sorta means we're 1/26th of the way done...hold on, folks. It's gonna be a long and bumpy ride.
I'll try and get an actual review out later tonight, but I can't make any promises.
Links:
why even bother: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=26137
It's not a big deal, anyway. If the title tells me anything it's that this game probably involves tower defense, which, as covered in my Ancient Forest and Grumpy Monsters review, I'm not too fond of.
Speaking of the title, yay! We're in B territory now. That kinda sorta means we're 1/26th of the way done...hold on, folks. It's gonna be a long and bumpy ride.
I'll try and get an actual review out later tonight, but I can't make any promises.
Links:
why even bother: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=26137
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Avenger
*grumbles*
Sorry guys, today is an off day. My interwubs are slow, drivers ed kept me away from me work for a million hours and, speaking of work...yeah. Not a fun time.
It's really a shame because I really want to give Avenger its due. It's not the best game on the list so far...not by a long shot...but it's still really fun and does a lot of things right. Alas, since it's already 9:16 and I have a mountain of work to get to, I'm just going to rattle off the pros and cons.
Pros:
- variety of gameplay styles from agile mech suit, land racer, and heavy mech suit. My favorite is the agile mech suit, which is good because 3 out of the 5 missions utilize it
- solid control with the agile mech suit and land racer. Even though the agile mech suit is a tad slippery and reacts to the mouse WAY too much, it's still controllable and can suck you right into the experience like you're marrow in the bones of a veal shank.
- graphics are appealing, though they kind of remind me of that fever dream I had that one time in sixth grade when my temperature broke 105...also, they made my computer (which was built with alien technology) heat up without lagging out, so at least it makes me feel like my purchase was justified.
- sound direction is competent. SFX clue the player in when appropriate and the music is fun to listen to and fits the mood.
- story is well done for a game of this length (~45 minutes). FATE reminds me of Icarus from Deus Ex, which is good because I think Icarus is the most well crafted character in the entirety of narrative media.
- not really a selling point but I think it's cool that this game had a team of only 2 people.
Cons:
- ugh dat voice acting. I have a deeper voice than the imposing military general and I'm a shrill, barely-pubescent high-schooler.
- as previously mentioned, the agile mech is slippery. Its long-range attack is just a lunging melee attack, but it acts like a spoiled toddler in that it only works when it wants to. In addition, the heavy mech is just downright boring. You're equipped with a nuke that wipes out any potential threats faster than you can say kapow. Then you just have to slllloooowwwwllllyyyy walk to your objective. Snore!
- some of the primary functions of the game can only be used by pressing the middle mouse button, meaning if you dont have a mouse, your gameplay experience will be affected greatly.
and that's pretty much it. Overall, Avenger is a good game with lots of potential. I bet if the guys who made this had some coin backing them up for a new project, they could turn out something great. I dare say this hypothetical product might even be revolutionary
Stay classy, internet.
Links
pretty colors: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=11754
Sorry guys, today is an off day. My interwubs are slow, drivers ed kept me away from me work for a million hours and, speaking of work...yeah. Not a fun time.
It's really a shame because I really want to give Avenger its due. It's not the best game on the list so far...not by a long shot...but it's still really fun and does a lot of things right. Alas, since it's already 9:16 and I have a mountain of work to get to, I'm just going to rattle off the pros and cons.
Pros:
- variety of gameplay styles from agile mech suit, land racer, and heavy mech suit. My favorite is the agile mech suit, which is good because 3 out of the 5 missions utilize it
- solid control with the agile mech suit and land racer. Even though the agile mech suit is a tad slippery and reacts to the mouse WAY too much, it's still controllable and can suck you right into the experience like you're marrow in the bones of a veal shank.
- graphics are appealing, though they kind of remind me of that fever dream I had that one time in sixth grade when my temperature broke 105...also, they made my computer (which was built with alien technology) heat up without lagging out, so at least it makes me feel like my purchase was justified.
- sound direction is competent. SFX clue the player in when appropriate and the music is fun to listen to and fits the mood.
- story is well done for a game of this length (~45 minutes). FATE reminds me of Icarus from Deus Ex, which is good because I think Icarus is the most well crafted character in the entirety of narrative media.
- not really a selling point but I think it's cool that this game had a team of only 2 people.
Cons:
- ugh dat voice acting. I have a deeper voice than the imposing military general and I'm a shrill, barely-pubescent high-schooler.
- as previously mentioned, the agile mech is slippery. Its long-range attack is just a lunging melee attack, but it acts like a spoiled toddler in that it only works when it wants to. In addition, the heavy mech is just downright boring. You're equipped with a nuke that wipes out any potential threats faster than you can say kapow. Then you just have to slllloooowwwwllllyyyy walk to your objective. Snore!
- some of the primary functions of the game can only be used by pressing the middle mouse button, meaning if you dont have a mouse, your gameplay experience will be affected greatly.
and that's pretty much it. Overall, Avenger is a good game with lots of potential. I bet if the guys who made this had some coin backing them up for a new project, they could turn out something great. I dare say this hypothetical product might even be revolutionary
Stay classy, internet.
Links
pretty colors: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=11754
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Autonomous
*disgruntled groan*
I'm running on empty here as it is, folks. The last thing I needed was something like this. There's literally nothing to say about it. I think all I can do is describe the mechanics because nothing about it is good and nothing about it is bad it's so painfully average.
I will say one thing, the game is awfully generous. After I spent 10 minutes plowing through it, it promptly informed me that I was in fact "the best player ever." Not that I disagree, but I don't think this game really had enough material to make such a judgement.
Anyway, all you do is go around picking up blocks and throwing them at other blocks. That's it. That's literally it. I have nothing else to say. The only thing that makes this experience palatable is that "another one bites the dust" and I'm one step closer to completing the catalog. That's not what a game should be about. A game should be about making me laugh and smile and forget about the miserable existence we all share (jk I totes love the world n stuff).
eh, that's all for now. Sorry this review wasn't very substantive...
Links
something: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=26150
I'm running on empty here as it is, folks. The last thing I needed was something like this. There's literally nothing to say about it. I think all I can do is describe the mechanics because nothing about it is good and nothing about it is bad it's so painfully average.
I will say one thing, the game is awfully generous. After I spent 10 minutes plowing through it, it promptly informed me that I was in fact "the best player ever." Not that I disagree, but I don't think this game really had enough material to make such a judgement.
Anyway, all you do is go around picking up blocks and throwing them at other blocks. That's it. That's literally it. I have nothing else to say. The only thing that makes this experience palatable is that "another one bites the dust" and I'm one step closer to completing the catalog. That's not what a game should be about. A game should be about making me laugh and smile and forget about the miserable existence we all share (jk I totes love the world n stuff).
eh, that's all for now. Sorry this review wasn't very substantive...
Links
something: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=26150
Audyssey
Please...a moment of silence.
A moment of silence for all the potential that was lost with this game...oh, the humanity. Oh, what woeful whereabouts be the world we wander.
I'm going to describe this game to you all, and I absolutely guarantee that you are going to want to play it. Audyssey is a puzzle-platformer in which you must traverse the levels by using your power to control sound. That means you get to jump around, collect stuff, and interact with the environment. The kicker is that every time you do any of those things, a unique sound is played. That's right, we may have finally married the concepts of puzzle games, platformers and rhythm games in beautiful polygamist harmony. If only the game didn't commit the mortal sin of all games. It pains me to have to say this again, especially after I've already noted how old it was getting, but why in the name of all that is good would there be
NO
DAMN
SAVE
FEATURE!!??!!?!?!!?
The game pulls of narrative really well. It's water-color slideshow opening reminds me of Braid in a very good way. It moves you. It makes you feel for the characters...gives you a purpose...only to have all your progress wiped the second you X out or the game crashes (which happens way more often than I'd like.
In addition, the music thing doesn't even work too well. They tried to implement a concept similar to that of Bit.Trip Flux (which is a terrific game to any who haven't played), but the reason it worked in Bit.Trip Flux is because it could guarantee that an action you performed to initiate a sound effect would always happen at a specific time, thus forming one cohesive song. In this game, however, the nature of platforming means that you could very well pick up a collectable or jump at the slightly wrong time and the entire song crumbles like a Jenga tower on a railroad track.
This game just makes me so angry! The controls are floaty, so you're bound to slip off a platform to your death every now and again. Gameplay this frustrating would be totally excusable if I was allowed to ragequit and come back to it later, but as I said before, there's NO GODDAMN SAVE FEATURE!
It's really a shame because I want very badly to see the resolution of this game. Unfortunately, it's just not worth it. The amount of frustration I'd have to bear and the time I'd have to waste to beat this game all in one go is just unreasonable. This game had everything! The graphics are nice, sound direction competent, controls passable, concept flooring...all it needed was this one teeny tiny thing and it would have been a fantastic game. That's right, I said it. Fantastic! The gap between utter crap and fantastic is as simple as a save feature.
*sigh* I'm done. I can't deal with this game anymore. I'm gonna go play some Attack of the 50ft Robot to cool down. I like that game because the infinitely spawning enemies means infinitely spawning toys in my sandbox of horror, so take that, Luis!
Now that I've left you all wondering who this Luis character who may or may not be responsible for potentiallymeaningful.blogspot.com, I'll bid you adieu.
Links
a bigger disappointment than my physics grades: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=24675
A moment of silence for all the potential that was lost with this game...oh, the humanity. Oh, what woeful whereabouts be the world we wander.
I'm going to describe this game to you all, and I absolutely guarantee that you are going to want to play it. Audyssey is a puzzle-platformer in which you must traverse the levels by using your power to control sound. That means you get to jump around, collect stuff, and interact with the environment. The kicker is that every time you do any of those things, a unique sound is played. That's right, we may have finally married the concepts of puzzle games, platformers and rhythm games in beautiful polygamist harmony. If only the game didn't commit the mortal sin of all games. It pains me to have to say this again, especially after I've already noted how old it was getting, but why in the name of all that is good would there be
NO
DAMN
SAVE
FEATURE!!??!!?!?!!?
The game pulls of narrative really well. It's water-color slideshow opening reminds me of Braid in a very good way. It moves you. It makes you feel for the characters...gives you a purpose...only to have all your progress wiped the second you X out or the game crashes (which happens way more often than I'd like.
In addition, the music thing doesn't even work too well. They tried to implement a concept similar to that of Bit.Trip Flux (which is a terrific game to any who haven't played), but the reason it worked in Bit.Trip Flux is because it could guarantee that an action you performed to initiate a sound effect would always happen at a specific time, thus forming one cohesive song. In this game, however, the nature of platforming means that you could very well pick up a collectable or jump at the slightly wrong time and the entire song crumbles like a Jenga tower on a railroad track.
This game just makes me so angry! The controls are floaty, so you're bound to slip off a platform to your death every now and again. Gameplay this frustrating would be totally excusable if I was allowed to ragequit and come back to it later, but as I said before, there's NO GODDAMN SAVE FEATURE!
It's really a shame because I want very badly to see the resolution of this game. Unfortunately, it's just not worth it. The amount of frustration I'd have to bear and the time I'd have to waste to beat this game all in one go is just unreasonable. This game had everything! The graphics are nice, sound direction competent, controls passable, concept flooring...all it needed was this one teeny tiny thing and it would have been a fantastic game. That's right, I said it. Fantastic! The gap between utter crap and fantastic is as simple as a save feature.
*sigh* I'm done. I can't deal with this game anymore. I'm gonna go play some Attack of the 50ft Robot to cool down. I like that game because the infinitely spawning enemies means infinitely spawning toys in my sandbox of horror, so take that, Luis!
Now that I've left you all wondering who this Luis character who may or may not be responsible for potentiallymeaningful.blogspot.com, I'll bid you adieu.
Links
a bigger disappointment than my physics grades: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=24675
Monday, January 14, 2013
Attack of the 50ft Robot!
Holy Physics!
you know, sometimes after a long day of school, work, what have you, you just want to plop down on the couch and destroy things. That's exactly what Attack of the 50ft Robot lets you do.
The word of the day is catharsis, folks. Honestly, I could end the review right there. That's the one word to describe this game. It doesn't weigh you down with a plot or overly complicated hub world or anything. It knows that you just want to see buildings crumble at your feet; and with a wide variety of attacks that still maintains simplicity and ease of use, the gameplay is fresh and will certainly last you until you've calmed down and are ready to start studying for that Latin test tomorrow (gulp).
In terms of Graphics, there's nothing to complain about. Honestly, this is probably the prettiest game on the list so far in terms of 3D. I guess that if they had colored in all the textures this game might have run at the pace of Aporkalypse. Luckily (I guess), the whole game is presented in black and white (with the occasional red laser beam) with a mild film grain effect, which I assume was meant to pay homage to that movie from the 1950s with the remarkably similar name.
Sound is ok. The music just an orchestral loop of Toccata and Fugue that goes with the 1950s movie theme. Nothing to dance to but nothing too grating. SFX can get a bit annoying when repeated ad nauseam, but honestly it's nothing worth critiquing.
Control is solid. The robot does exactly what you want it to do pretty much all the time.
And that's really all I can say about this game. Honestly, if anyone out there is searching for the perfect game to ram through in 10 minutes after work or something to run in the background that you occasionally alt+tab into while your Youtube video is loading, look no further. This game is straight up fun and relaxing. I give it my seal of approval.
Links
catharsis: the game: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=8728
you know, sometimes after a long day of school, work, what have you, you just want to plop down on the couch and destroy things. That's exactly what Attack of the 50ft Robot lets you do.
The word of the day is catharsis, folks. Honestly, I could end the review right there. That's the one word to describe this game. It doesn't weigh you down with a plot or overly complicated hub world or anything. It knows that you just want to see buildings crumble at your feet; and with a wide variety of attacks that still maintains simplicity and ease of use, the gameplay is fresh and will certainly last you until you've calmed down and are ready to start studying for that Latin test tomorrow (gulp).
In terms of Graphics, there's nothing to complain about. Honestly, this is probably the prettiest game on the list so far in terms of 3D. I guess that if they had colored in all the textures this game might have run at the pace of Aporkalypse. Luckily (I guess), the whole game is presented in black and white (with the occasional red laser beam) with a mild film grain effect, which I assume was meant to pay homage to that movie from the 1950s with the remarkably similar name.
Sound is ok. The music just an orchestral loop of Toccata and Fugue that goes with the 1950s movie theme. Nothing to dance to but nothing too grating. SFX can get a bit annoying when repeated ad nauseam, but honestly it's nothing worth critiquing.
Control is solid. The robot does exactly what you want it to do pretty much all the time.
And that's really all I can say about this game. Honestly, if anyone out there is searching for the perfect game to ram through in 10 minutes after work or something to run in the background that you occasionally alt+tab into while your Youtube video is loading, look no further. This game is straight up fun and relaxing. I give it my seal of approval.
Links
catharsis: the game: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=8728
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Atmosphere
Back in my A Flipping Good Time review I noted that the game's title sounded a bit hubristic but this game took the liberty to name itself after one of the most important aspects of game design. With a name like that, this game better damn nigh drown me in its immersion. It's a good thing they didn't call this Conveyance: The Game because starting the game up was one of the most confusing experiences of my life.
For a game made in the 2004-2005 academic year, the graphics are quite pretty and stylized. The lack of shading does make the game as a whole look very loud, but oh well. That's just a nit-pick.
One thing that really kills me is the sound direction. As far as I can tell, there's only one track that plays throughout the whole game, which I wouldn't mind if it was actually pleasing to listen to. Unfortunately, it's just an obnoxious chord progression on an overly distorted electric guitar.
The main concept of this game is that you must blend three elements together to create an entirely new element (because that's how chemistry works) with attention to magnetism, weight and radioactivity, which all help you race the newly created element. The tracks themselves are lackluster except for the two main gimmicks that give the game its challenge.
The first of these gimmicks are branching paths, each to be handled by elements exhibiting certain properties. For example, one path may be a narrow metal bar that magnetic elements can cross with ease while another may be a dark area that radioactive elements can shine their way through. My gripe with this concept is that when creating your element, you are pretty much limited to emphasizing one property (maybe 2 if you only fill the bars midway), so this isn't really choice to freely explore the levels as much as a linear path and two dead zones. If that sounded a bit confusing, just play the game and see for yourself. It's tough to put it into words.
The levels are also littered with powerups, which are amplified by how many of each type you collect etc etc. It's a very simple powerup system that any gamer is very familiar with by now.
Overall, the game is fun if a bit frustrating. It definitely has replayability, at least until you figure out that magnetism is the only property worth investing in and are able to zoom into 1st place every time. However, it just doesn't bring anything new to the table. being able to customize your vehicle in order to adapt to the tracks is a very basic concept in racing games.
TL:DR- nothing special but nothing horrible. Just another racing game.
Links
it- https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=487
PS - no, the atmosphere is not done very well in this game but really who cares about a game's title? (I do).
For a game made in the 2004-2005 academic year, the graphics are quite pretty and stylized. The lack of shading does make the game as a whole look very loud, but oh well. That's just a nit-pick.
One thing that really kills me is the sound direction. As far as I can tell, there's only one track that plays throughout the whole game, which I wouldn't mind if it was actually pleasing to listen to. Unfortunately, it's just an obnoxious chord progression on an overly distorted electric guitar.
The main concept of this game is that you must blend three elements together to create an entirely new element (because that's how chemistry works) with attention to magnetism, weight and radioactivity, which all help you race the newly created element. The tracks themselves are lackluster except for the two main gimmicks that give the game its challenge.
The first of these gimmicks are branching paths, each to be handled by elements exhibiting certain properties. For example, one path may be a narrow metal bar that magnetic elements can cross with ease while another may be a dark area that radioactive elements can shine their way through. My gripe with this concept is that when creating your element, you are pretty much limited to emphasizing one property (maybe 2 if you only fill the bars midway), so this isn't really choice to freely explore the levels as much as a linear path and two dead zones. If that sounded a bit confusing, just play the game and see for yourself. It's tough to put it into words.
The levels are also littered with powerups, which are amplified by how many of each type you collect etc etc. It's a very simple powerup system that any gamer is very familiar with by now.
Overall, the game is fun if a bit frustrating. It definitely has replayability, at least until you figure out that magnetism is the only property worth investing in and are able to zoom into 1st place every time. However, it just doesn't bring anything new to the table. being able to customize your vehicle in order to adapt to the tracks is a very basic concept in racing games.
TL:DR- nothing special but nothing horrible. Just another racing game.
Links
it- https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=487
PS - no, the atmosphere is not done very well in this game but really who cares about a game's title? (I do).
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