Brute Hardcastle is my favorite kind of game to review, even though it makes for very uninteresting reading. It's the kind of game where one or two flaws dominate the experience so intensely that nothing else matters. Firstly, the movement speed is a joke. Seriously, nobody could have playtested this game and figured "yeah, he walks about fast enough." What's worse is that this game is ostensibly a beat 'em up, so the slow movement speed doesn't even complement the gameplay. Slow movement speed can be effective when used correctly, like in the last minutes of Mass Effect 3, but when the game expects you to believe that you're in the heat of battle and you're cruising along city streets at about 2 miles per day, there's a serious problem.
The other big issue is the level design. I try to be polite in these reviews, but I can't pull my punches here. This is some of the laziest and unthoughtful level design I've seen on this list. It's a relatively expansive city built on a grid, like Manhattan, but there's nothing in it! Coupled with the slow movement speed, this means you're going to be spending a lot of time strolling casually down the sidewalk wishing that there was something to do.
You know what? I really wanted to have fun with this game. I did! That's because it uses a fight mechanic that, for a long time, I've been saying would make a game very fun to play. You control the trajectory of your fists with the mouse. I love that they included this, but even that is executed so sloppily that it's just borderline broken. This game fails to impress. Moving on.
The Exiled is one of those NOT_REAL_EXE things. I don't know what to do about that.
Francis McKrispi, or, as it's otherwise called, Bacon, is a charming little platforming hack-n-slasher wherein you are a strip of bacon with a butter knife on a mission to destroy all eggs. This is my least favorite game to review because there is no outstanding mechanic whatsoever. It's just "a game" rather than "the game that" or "the game with." Get what I'm saying?
Bacon is the only game in this post that I might review if you're bored enough that you think cracking like a bazillion eggs is going to be entertaining. I do love the aesthetic, though. It's got enough quirk to make me smirk, but it does smell a but of
Man, I was a jerk today. Oh well. Such is life. That's all I got for now. Until next time, stay cruel.
Links
Brute Slowcastle: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=499
The Exiled EXE: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=603
Yummy Pig Meat: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=18527
