Kisses

Before I begin, let me address two things.  First, I at some point in the next week or two, I'm going to need to send my laptop to the repair shop.  I might be able to use my old machine (if it still works) to update the blog, but there's still a chance that I'll be going dark for a couple days.

Second, some of you out there may be thinking, "What's he going to do now that games from the 2012-2013 academic year are pouring in and disrupting the alphabetical system?"  Well, my plan is to first ignore the games from this year and, once I've finished with the other ones, go back and review this year's installments before the year's end (hopefully).

Alright, enough beating around the bush, let's get to Kisses (you should totally use that line on a date.  Guaranteed success).

So I started up the game, got through a few menus, and screamed very loudly.  The avatar that is supposed to represent you is the most horrifying thing mankind has yet to contrive.  I'm not going to dwell on this, but let me just say that the uncanny valley called...

After that, I sat through a competent if boring tutorial during which I was instructed about the mechanics of the game.  Essentially, it's resource management with a pinch of romance...just a pinch.  See, the game seems to center itself around building up relationships with AI of the opposite sex (and hey, no love for the gay crowd?  Eh, whatever).  Building a game like that is fine as long as the player can actually get invested in the characters.  Otherwise, it just gets boring.  Ever wonder why there are so many dating sims out there based on popular anime?  It's because those shows already made their viewers care for the characters, so all someone has to do to make a decent dating sim is to take those characters and make them smooch.  Easy.

So, needless to say, I won't be giving any kisses to Kisses any time soon.  Apart from the boring relationship mechanics, the entire game boils down to walking to a place to collect resources, going back to your igloo to refine them, and then consuming them.  It's terribly formulaic and gets real tedious real fast.

I do have to say, though, apart from its less than stellar design, Kisses is damn amazing on the technical end. The textures are pretty impressive, especially since this was done in 2003.  The framerate is solid and I didn't encounter any glitches.  So there, a diamond in the rough.

That's all I got for now.  Until next time, stay warm

Links
Anti-Climactic Foreplay with People You Don't Really Care For: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=525

Kinetrix

Well, this one is kind of broken but not really.  It's more my fault than the game's.  See, my computer eats mice and the only mice that I own have long since been chewed through by something in my USB ports.  Thus, I have to rely on the trackpad, which Kinetrix is not built for.  It seems like a fun Tetris-y type game, but I can't judge it.

Maybe someone with a working mouse has some input...

Links
KinetriX: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=1414

Killblockmen I and II (kinda)

reeeeally short post today, guys.  Fact is, Killblockmen is insubstantial and its sequel doesn't work...at least not for me at the moment.

So, let's talk about Killblockmen. It's an arena shooter where you're armed with a tommy gun with infinite ammo and ordered to kill blockmen.  Sounds fun?  Well, it's certainly not the next big blockbuster, but simplicity is bliss, right?

The problem with Killblockmen is that there's no variety.  All you do is fire into a crowd of blockmen before they reach you.  They can only use melee attacks, so this is kind of like a zombie shooter.  You know how in Left for Dead the zombies can easily catch you from behind without you noticing?  Well, take that and multiply the frustration by about a million, because there's no way to shove the blockmen off and only a few hits are enough to drop you.

It's a competently put together level, but not a very good game.  I think of it as Painkiller but without all the creativity.  If that sounds fun to you, give it a shot.

That's all I got for now.  Until next time, stay genocidal.

Links

Kill Blockmen: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=420
Killblockmen2: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=1639

Kabloom

Let's play word association, shall we?  I say "Kaboom," and you say the first thing that pops into your head. What are some contenders?  Violence? Anger? Explosions? Action?  How about "planting trees?"  Okay, you got me, that's 2 words, but that doesn't make the Title of this game any less silly....oh, wait.  Ka-"bloom." I see what they did there....ugh...it's gonna be a long day.

In a nutshell, here's what you need to know about "Kabloom."  It's not fun, it's not terribly interesting, but hot damn is it pretty.  The cell-shaded look does wonders for my inner child, and wow does this game pull it off. Add to that the fact that you control the environment and you got yourself one good looking piece of software.

Of course, this is a "game," so let's analyze the gameplay.  This is the kind of gameplay I'd expect from a "poetic experience" like Dreamside Maroon or, to a much lesser extent, Douse.  The calming music, the lack of consequences and the pretty scenery set this game up for a perfect session of story time.  So, how's the narrative?

It's unimaginative, dull and unoriginal.  Maybe you think it's strange that the thing I critique most harshly in this game is its story, but come on!  All the mechanics are centered around the narrative.  The game even starts with a cute little nursery rhyme about the protagonist.  This game is the equivalent of dog turds on a pedestal.  You can extol the excrement as much as you'd like, but at the end of the day, it's still crap.

Still though, I'd say it's worth a playthrough just to experience the visual style.  Once again...hot damn, this game is pretty

That's all I got for now.  Until next time, stay germinated

Links

Rosie the Environmentally Friendly Elephant (no, I'm not kidding): https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=8718

the ones that start with "J"

ooh, isn't this out of the ordinary?  Well, don't get too excited.  There are only 3 games on the list that start with "J" and one of them doesn't work.  So yeah, this will be my first double-header review.  Maybe I'll group these things together more in the future...maybe I won't. who knows.

Jet Packers is a fun, simple arcade game based on how high you can ascend.  You need to collect fuel tanks  in order to keep going, but watch out for those asteroids!  Singleplayer mode is fun if insubstantial.  Where I think this game really shines is the multiplayer.  As usual, I didn't have anyone to play with, so I had to try and control both guys at once, but what I saw was potential for a heated competition.  The bumping mechanics, the boosting that uses up some fuel...the game is filled with things to keep the experience engaging.  Of course, since I didn't actually play multiplayer, this is all just assumption.  The Singleplayer mode, the only thing I can really judge, was fun in a kind of Doodle Jump sort of way, but just didn't offer enough to keep me engaged for more than a few minutes.

Johnny Origin is a weird kind of broken.  clicking on its icon just makes my cursor disappear until I alt+tab to a different screen...huh.

Junk Fighter is definitely the most intricate of the "J" games. First, let me address the title.  I thought this was going to be a fighting game, but it's a space shooter.  That would be the logical equivalent of me naming a boxing simulator "alien blaster 9000."  But I digress.

This game has 2 different phases: the top-down space shooter and the ship builder.  The former is a relatively fun challenge with a few minor design flaws and the latter is competently designed but not very rewarding.

First, the game part.  The tutorial levels are way too long-winded and very clumsy at describing anything more complicated than "shoot the boss to kill it."  After the almost insultingly easy tutorial levels, you will lose and lose a lot.  The actual levels but the "hell" in "bullet hell."  I think the main thing they were trying to accomplish with the design was making the player really feel challenged in customizing his ship.  After all, a bigger ship with more guns can take down more enemies and reduce the amount of fire on the screen, but it will also be a bigger target.

And that brings us to the ship customization.  The aforementioned quandry would make the customization screen fun and engaging if it weren't for one thing: the game already provides you with a multitude of ships far better than anything you and your puny brain can come up with.  This completely defeats the purpose of the customization screen.  The levels are way too brutal to allow you to screw around, so why would you not go with the professionally designed options? Even past that, the customization is far from balanced.  The spread gun, as spread guns tend to be, is drastically overpowered, although with levels this brutal, it seems like the only way to win.  It's not a bad game, but it can surely get frustrating.

Well, that's all I got for now.  Until next time, stay diverse

Links

Jet Packers: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=24359
Johnny Origin: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=1407
Junk Fighter: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=8717

Ivar's Adieu

Another day, another review.

on a scale of none to none, I'm feeling really uncreative right now, so let's just run down the good ol' list, shall we?

Preface!
Ivar's Adieu is a unique, 2-level platformer-type thingy.  Both of the levels are designed like 2D versions of Super Mario Galaxy planets in that you always gravitate toward the center.  To traverse, you use a hookshot type thing.  That makes me think: what's with it with all the swinging mechanics lately?  Ever since Froggle, which pulled off swinging mechanics like a champ, game after game has been using swinging as one of, if not the main method of transportation.  Well, more on that later.

Visual Style!
Nothing wrong with the art direction, but I do wish the first level were zoomed out a bit more.  It's good that I get a nice, big, clear view of every sprite with the camera zoomed in so much, but almost every time I merrily swing around looking for my objectives, I get blindsided by some enemy projectile just out of my FOV.  At least have the camera shift a bit when I build up a decent velocity, dang...

Sound Direction!
All I have to say here is that I wish there were more than one song in this game's soundtrack.

Gameplay!
Of all the 2D games I've played recently that try to make swinging the main method of transportation, this game comes the closest to pulling it off perfectly.  However, it's still very glitchy.  Sometimes, a platform will act like a slingshot and send you flying in the direction opposite to where you want to go.  The hookshot can also be used for combat, and I gotta say, I love it when games use motions like swiping your mouse (or touchpad, in my case) for combat.  Very visceral.  Very fun.  This the combat in this game is like Chain of Command but better.  I just wish Ivar didn't have such a placid and kind voice, because when I hookshot an innocent penguin and catapult him into his friend so that they both go tumbling to their deaths, I like to imagine I'm a hardened warrior rather than a kindergarten teacher.

This game was fun and unique.  Other than sporadic glitchiness, I can't really find a fault with it.  It's a neat, contained experience that doesn't take more than 10 minutes.  Try it out for yourself.  I don't think you'll be disappointed.  This game gets my seal of approval.

That's all I got for now.  Until next time, stay salty

Links
I'm versed in poo: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=479

It Belongs in An Ancient Ruin

well, this one was fun!

Before we analyze, let's have a bit of context.  You play as the explorer and spelunker Pennsylvania Smith...

...*disgruntled groan*...

And you steal artifacts from museums and put them back in ancient ruins where they belong...*mumbles*

Alright, well other than...that...I liked almost everything about this game.  Allow me to elaborate:

At first, the game starts out feeling a lot like Trilby: Art of Theft, the game made by the great internet cynic Yahtzee Croshaw.  You work your way around security cameras, patrolling guards, and police dogs to activate switches, steal expensive stuff, and progress through the levels.  

Unlike Art of Theft, this game is also a platformer.  That's an interesting combination: platforming stealth game.  This intermingling of genres is something I'd like to see more of.  Sure, there are only so many ways to do this before the Cooking Mama RPG graces us, but still...I will say, though, there's no way to take out a guard or two in this game like there is in Art of Theft.   Sure, that might not have fit in with the game's mechanics, but I found myself wondering why a man capable of jumping three times his own height is somehow not fit enough to take down a cop with a flashlight at close range.  Oh well...

The second half of the game ditches the whole stealth aspect and just becomes Castlevania.  Mmkay.  I can deal with that.  I'm down.  Let's see what you got, game.

From then on, the game becomes an only minorly frustrating platformer with an actual storyline to keep you motivated.  It was actually very well paced.  It all lead up to a tense escape scene with the final boss, which was immensely satisfying...right up until the very end.

*minor spoiler warning*

The final boss, in the very last screen of the game, is standing right on the edge of a cliff leading into a lava pit.  There is a hook positioned just right for you to be able to tarzan swing and kick him to his death, which would have been hugely satisfying.  Unfortunately, you just walk right past him and win the game...*Sigh*

oh well.  The game did have some missed opportunities, and there were some frustratingly designed aspects (like the evil suits of armor that kill me every time or the velociraptors that jump out of the bushes and give you about 0.0000001 seconds of reaction time before they send you back to the checkpoint).  

There's lots more I want to talk about, but this post is getting a bit too long already.  I guess I can say that the game's best qualities are its conveyance, sense of flow, and art direction (even though I hate pixel art as a concept in the modern world, this was done pretty dang well).  all in all, this game is very competently designed and was one of the more enjoyable DigiPen experiences.  Good work, guys.

That's all I got for now.  Until next time, stay swingin'

Links

I don't feel like coming up with a name for this one: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=25076