Infinite Ion (guest review)

“Luis, my fellow game-whore who has given up on writing guest reviews” he says. I’ll show him...I’ll show them all!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh. You’re here.

So after that very appreciated character assault, I thought it my duty to write a review. And yes, I will resort to cheap shots. Also, I’ll be reviewing it as I play, which means that I get to yell more, but which also means that my analysis may not be super spot on at times.

Pre-Game:

Infinite Ion is a game made by a bunch of sophomores. Their opening description is that it’s a “cooperative bullet hell shooter based on the concept of polarity, based on Ikaruga.” So, naturally, I had to go and see what Ikaruga was all about. And guess what, Ikaruga is a single-player bullet hell shooter based on the concept of polarity. Made initially for the Gamecube, you press A to (literally) flip between what I’ll just call the good Arwing and the evil Arwing. The good Arwing can’t be harmed by blue light bullets and the evil Arwing can’t be harmed by darkness bullets. Clever, but not too interesting.

Now, this game is a co-op game, and I’ve basically come to the conclusion that there are three kinds of co-op games on the market. Your first kind of co-op game would be your Borderlands and your Halo 3, where co-op is appreciated, but not necessary. Your second kind of co-op game would be your Portal 2, where it’s entirely separate from the rest of the game. And your third kind would be your Dead Space 3 and your Resident Evil The Last Few and your Borderlands 2, where it doesn’t need to be co-op, but for some reason is. Guess which one this game falls under?

The menu screen is pretty generic, with a small explosion particle effect thingy going on in the lower left, and all the options and stuff over a decidedly bland logo. The music is decidedly boring, because it sounds like it uses the same keyboard that they did for Deus Ex, but without all of the cool.

Also, since co-op is required, I’ve enlisted the help of my sixth grade brother, Napoleon, also known by his real name Matthew.

Post-Game:

“Look, it wasn’t something I would play again. Maybe I would give it one or two more goes.” This coming from the child that has poured so many hours into the Virtual Hat Simulator that is TF2 that he literally changed the Steam layout so that he wouldn’t be embarrassed by how many days he’s wasted playing it so far. Suffice it to say, kid knows a good game when he sees one.

Surprise surprise, the co-op “definitely was a feature, but wasn’t really necessary. It could’ve just been an option and not really forced upon you.” Honestly, he’s spot on. From a mechanical standpoint, having co-op does open up quite a few avenues for development, but these devs basically seem to have said “Ikaruga with a friend”

A solid third of the bullet patterns are specifically designed so that you can only complete them if both players simultaneously complete a specific and complex series of maneuvers. Which is not fun to do with two people. With one person, the excuse is, “Oh, I’m an ass, guess I need to pay more attention.” Here, you’re completely reliant on your partner, and not in a fun way. The game is your typical twitchy bullet hell fair, so mistakes are obviously going to abound, but when one mistake can lose you two of your shared six lives (side note: shared lives = stupid. Don’t do it.) everything becomes increasingly combative.

Gun upgrades are received through small gold coins of various sizes dropped by enemies. However, there’s nothing that explain the relative value of each coin, or how many you need to upgrade, etc.

The backgrounds were dull and uninspiring. The music changed each level but was so bland that I didn’t even notice it. The sound effects were...okay. Nothing more than they needed to be.

Honestly, I came away from this game thoroughly bored. The reason being that aside from the glaring unnecessary co-op, this game is just...dull. There’s nothing else that’s really wrong with it, but it’s just a kind of bland paste. If anything, it just proves that Ikaruga had some really cool ideas and solid execution that they tried their damndest to mimic and failed at.

Ion Paired: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=25886

Shameless Plug: http://potentiallymeaningful.blogspot.com/

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And thus, another honest day's work has been evaded.  Thanks, bud.  Since I don't have a mini-me to play with, you guys are just going to have to take Luis's word on this one.  

Incandescence

Prior to playing Incandescence, I was notified by Luis, my fellow game-whore who has given up on writing guest reviews but not on playing these games for kicks, that this was the game controls like a cheetah with an inner ear problem.  I'm paraphrasing, of course, but nevertheless, it's worth noting that I didn't go into this game very optimistically.  That in mind, let's play this thang.

Well the controls definitely aren't great, but I've played a lot worse.  Really the only problem is that the mouse sensitivity is too low, which wouldn't be a problem if the game allowed me to adjust it manually.  Instead, I got a perplexing control options screen where the only options are "invert y axis" and a blank field for you to type stuff into, which does nothing.  huh...

My main problem with the game is how it feels. Occasionally, you'll run into these glitchy-if-effective boost rails, which bring you up to a satisfying speed, but the momentum you gain from them runs out almost the instant you leave them.  The rest of the game is pretty sluggish, all things considered.  I'm just coasting around the city with no real sense of challenge or excitement.  It's just plain ol' boring.  If Igneous were paced like this, I would have torn it a new one because every other aspect of its design focuses on adrenaline.  Incandescence, with its blue tonality, calming sound direction and placid control style, and consequence-free level design seems to go for a much more relaxing atmosphere, which is fine as long as there's something to keep me occupied.  I need to derive some sense of fun from a game...that's why it's a game!

Imagine a game based on that one scene from Aladdin where you're just floating on a magic carpet through the clouds.  No sense of danger, nothing standing in your way, you're just coasting.  Every now and again a little piece of bread or whatever will float by that you can collect, but past that, nothing.  Sounds fun, right?  Yeah, I didn't think so.  That's what Incandescence reminds me of.

That's all I got for now.  Until next time, stay musical

Links
Ink on the fence: https://www.digipen.edu/?id=1170&proj=24656